fiction
I woke up one day, feeling so wasted. I got too much facebook the last days. Too much consumption.
I felt disembodied.
So I went to my physician to help me out with this. I couldn't feel my body, my sourroundings, my friends. I was just constantly scrolling down, checking updates, changing my profile picture, checking my messages, if anybody liked me.
I was closing and opening tabs like a mad and my body was disappearing slowly slowly, I did not even notice. My mind was going away, my attention. It was all a constant talk and mumble about statuses, news and emoticons. My dreams were filled with emoticons.
In the beginning, it was just a joke. Funny names, pictures, tags. Then slowly, slowly, everybody wanted to become part of this. In some point I was kind of worried. I was seeing my friends only in the chatbox. Then I could spend hours doing nothing and time would go unoticed. I was just in front of my laptop for the past few years now, until we got the new smartphones, for better access.
Time goes even more unnoticed now.
Time thiefs.
But who cares.
The addiction is strong.
Eventually all of my friends are inside here. On the bluebox. And hardly ever we have interactions with meaning.
So I woke up this morning and felt so wasted. I couldn't feel my legs and at the same time I felt so heavy. I went to the doctor.
Heavy bluebox addiction he said.
Just like alcohol or smoking, this box can be very addictive, he explained me as what the addiction really is, is emotional, and even though they call the rest addictions chemical is the exact same thing. I was astonished.
More and more people come with the same symptoms, and they describe it like this. As if they're not in their body anymore, but somewhere else, where they cannot really define.
These words really striked me. They're not into their body anymore.
We had to start the detox.
Move into nature.
Do some work with my hands and my body.
I had to move away from this, so I did. There I met others in detox. We were working with the earth, planting, drawing, constructing. Dancing together. Did some theater and music jams every night.
First days were very harsh, I couldn't make a proper conversation, without my emoticons. I had to use my true face. I had to rediscover it.
Soon I got better in that. I could slowly start remembering how to use my face muscles and lift my hands, be close to others. I had been extremely scared to be approached and show my true feelings.
But there I was with other like me, and some where already on a good track.
It didn't take long, or it seemed so, since time was relative.
Then I had to work with my self image. I thought I was how people saw or defined me through their comments and likes, I had to rediscover and define my own values. They were there. I just had to do little work. It happened gradually, along with working with nature, I found my own nature.
It seemed much fuller and lively now.
I am still in detox, and I just liked to share my experience with others since it was crucial and vital to me.
my body
19.11.2015
I felt disembodied.
So I went to my physician to help me out with this. I couldn't feel my body, my sourroundings, my friends. I was just constantly scrolling down, checking updates, changing my profile picture, checking my messages, if anybody liked me.
I was closing and opening tabs like a mad and my body was disappearing slowly slowly, I did not even notice. My mind was going away, my attention. It was all a constant talk and mumble about statuses, news and emoticons. My dreams were filled with emoticons.
In the beginning, it was just a joke. Funny names, pictures, tags. Then slowly, slowly, everybody wanted to become part of this. In some point I was kind of worried. I was seeing my friends only in the chatbox. Then I could spend hours doing nothing and time would go unoticed. I was just in front of my laptop for the past few years now, until we got the new smartphones, for better access.
Time goes even more unnoticed now.
Time thiefs.
But who cares.
The addiction is strong.
Eventually all of my friends are inside here. On the bluebox. And hardly ever we have interactions with meaning.
So I woke up this morning and felt so wasted. I couldn't feel my legs and at the same time I felt so heavy. I went to the doctor.
Heavy bluebox addiction he said.
Just like alcohol or smoking, this box can be very addictive, he explained me as what the addiction really is, is emotional, and even though they call the rest addictions chemical is the exact same thing. I was astonished.
More and more people come with the same symptoms, and they describe it like this. As if they're not in their body anymore, but somewhere else, where they cannot really define.
These words really striked me. They're not into their body anymore.
We had to start the detox.
Move into nature.
Do some work with my hands and my body.
I had to move away from this, so I did. There I met others in detox. We were working with the earth, planting, drawing, constructing. Dancing together. Did some theater and music jams every night.
First days were very harsh, I couldn't make a proper conversation, without my emoticons. I had to use my true face. I had to rediscover it.
Soon I got better in that. I could slowly start remembering how to use my face muscles and lift my hands, be close to others. I had been extremely scared to be approached and show my true feelings.
But there I was with other like me, and some where already on a good track.
It didn't take long, or it seemed so, since time was relative.
Then I had to work with my self image. I thought I was how people saw or defined me through their comments and likes, I had to rediscover and define my own values. They were there. I just had to do little work. It happened gradually, along with working with nature, I found my own nature.
It seemed much fuller and lively now.
I am still in detox, and I just liked to share my experience with others since it was crucial and vital to me.
my body
19.11.2015
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